HEALTHY YOU by Dr. Erin Martin Changing the paradigm of loneliness for successful women Iwas 26 years old when I graduated from medical school. Over the nearly 20 years since then, I’ve developed a thick outer skin to shield my softer inner side from the seemingly necessary sacrifices required to be a successful woman working in a man’s world. I’ve conditioned myself to study harder, work longer, and give more of myself than my male counterparts just to ensure that I have a voice at the table and one that is seen as valuable and worthy. I’ve learned to pleasantly laugh when my patients (both male and female) have called me “nurse” or “sweety” or by my first name instead of Dr. Martin, when I know they would never consider calling my male counterparts by their first names. I’ve honed my skills at politely and respectfully reminding people who I am and the respect that I am due. I’ve learned how to stand my ground in the boardroom, and I know, with increasing efficiency over the years, how to use my voice for change. And I’ve also become very accustomed to being put on the “no-call list” in short order once someone finds out who I am and what I do. The number of times I’ve been marginalized at a party, by both men and women, once they’ve asked me what I do and I reply with “I’m a doctor…,” is staggering. It’s usually followed by a “wow, you must be really smart” and a quick diminishment of the conversation leading to them excusing themselves to go talk to someone else. I know that my experience is not unique. In my 19 years as a physician and 10 years as a mentor and consultant for powerful, successful women, I have seen this repeatedly. It comes as no surprise to those of us living the dream at the top of the ladder that women happen to experience greater amounts of loneliness, feelings of being unsupported, and isolation. However, the beautiful thing about this moment in time is that as women, we are moving away from the secrecy and private singular battles that we have historically endured in quasi-silence and into an era of not only inquiry, but of solution creation. This is perfect because it truly is about time that those of us who have spent our entire lives devoted to problemsolving for other people, objectives, and endeavors, those of us whose zone of genius is forecasting, reading between the lines, and anticipating what will be needed in any number of future scenarios should be the ones to make ripples and be the change-makers. And now, more than ever, we are equipped to do so, and we are ripe with resources and inner wisdom to be the catalyst for this change. The most potent truth here is that we are the cure for what ails us. As a physician and a women’s empowerment coach, I have been asked countless times why I think this phenomenon of loneliness is so. It’s a bit of a loaded question, rife with controversy, conscious and unconscious bias, and absolutely third-trimester pregnant with eons of pent-up emotion. Well, I am not a talking head or a news analyst, and I don’t think any of us want to be simply spoken of as a statistic, so my answer to this question comes purely from my own personal experience and from the nearly two decades of working with thousands of women, many of whom were and are just like me. Here are the top 10 reasons, in no particular order, that I have personally Diego Cervo / Shutterstock.com 78 enterprising Women
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